“There is no escaping the ‘I should haves,’ ‘I could haves,’ ‘why did I nots,’ and the ‘if onlys’ of this world that stab us continuously. Each one of us will have to find our own way across this valley of thorns.”
Thank you, Binu for writing this. It takes a lot but it means so much to read it.
From my own journey — the guilt, regret, failure over loss is making me think that the question likely is not about how to forget these feelings or compartmentalize them or even foolishly think of redeeming oneself, but to live with the awareness that it is going to be present, extant, just right there and that is okay.
I love what you said there. That I am beginning to realise is the main point of life - to live our experiences with awareness and stay open to the lessons therein.
I hope you find the peace that we all seek as you make and hold space for all of these feelings and their teachings.
Thank you for writing this, Binu. This reminded me of the things I am grieving for and why it's okay to grieve. Waiting to read your next piece. Thank you, again 🌸
Binu - I too joined a support group (two actually) and felt that the only people who could understand me were other grieving parents. I still feel this way. I appreciate you writing about support groups. I don't see this often enough. It's so critical.
I equate the role of a particular support group (HPH) to that of AA in a recovering alcoholic's life. I am not as dependent on it as I was a year back, but I make it a point to visit at least once every couple of days. It keeps me grounded and leaves me feeling comforted.
As always, beautiful and honest writing. Thanks so much for sharing a part of you and Sakshi with us. Your journey from where you were even a year ago - how real and raw your feelings are, and how kind you are being to yourself, and to others around you, I feel happy to read this. A little reassured and lighter for you, maybe! You are making Sakshi proud everyday, and am sure, as much as she made you. Waiting for your next piece, to enjoy and soak in your beautifully woven words and for you to feel a bit lighter still.
When I read #8 above, Binu, I nearly came undone -- all over again. This so speaks to my experience. The hardest thing I ever had to do was work to forgive myself, and at the ripe age I'm at, and seeing how far I have to go here, it's obviously a lifelong process for me -- a life sentence, as it were.
And like you, I've had those exact same thoughts, which sound horrific on the surface, but anyone who has walked this path knows these are normal things to think. Perhaps in centuries past, it was more or less normal for parents to outlive their children, but in the 20th century and beyond, it's not so normal. And as mothers in particular, we tend to take on all responsibility for everyone's well being. What I call the "Messiah complex." I'm really trying to let go of this, but it's not easy. This journal entry is a beautiful tribute to resilience, stamina, openness to learning from an experience we have no control over, and radical self-care. Keep writing, Binu.
Because we all need to be reminded that while this journey can indeed be lonely -- we don't actually have to walk it alone.
It is so true! We don't have to walk it alone. And I do have hope that this silence surrounding grief is slowly thinning out. More and more people are talking about it and sharing their stories and normalising this emotion. Thank you for reading, Nancy. And I love the phrase, radical self-care - that is exactly what I am trying to do.
I would also love to know why you prefer the term 'transitioning' - I can kind of guess it given the meaning of the term, but still. Thank you for sharing your grief so honestly, hope it helps you. This piece helped me too in a way I cannot find the words to describe.
Dear Venkatesh, so glad this post touched your heart. I am definitely feeling better for writing and sharing. I do this with great reluctance because I am a private person, but at the same time, I feel this is what I have to do. Will write about transitioning and some other words in the next post.
Reading this made me feel lighter, brighter happier and everything lit up around me. Such distilled emotions from such turbulent past. Such simple, joyous writing drawing from grief and loss. I trust you too are feeling lighter and brighter.
Dear Gargi, it took me a while to feel ready to put this post out. Had to sit with it awhile. For me, each post… well, every bit of writing I am doing, is a bit of healing, so I am feeling better for having got this out of me. I am so glad it has had a loving and lovely effect on you. Thank you for all the love 🤗
Oh Binu! Am so glad that you are able to process your thoughts and put them down with this awesome clarity. Everything you say makes perfect sense. Hope you r feeling much better after doing so. Loads of love 🤗
“There is no escaping the ‘I should haves,’ ‘I could haves,’ ‘why did I nots,’ and the ‘if onlys’ of this world that stab us continuously. Each one of us will have to find our own way across this valley of thorns.”
Thank you, Binu for writing this. It takes a lot but it means so much to read it.
From my own journey — the guilt, regret, failure over loss is making me think that the question likely is not about how to forget these feelings or compartmentalize them or even foolishly think of redeeming oneself, but to live with the awareness that it is going to be present, extant, just right there and that is okay.
I love what you said there. That I am beginning to realise is the main point of life - to live our experiences with awareness and stay open to the lessons therein.
I hope you find the peace that we all seek as you make and hold space for all of these feelings and their teachings.
Thank you for this post! I hope to forward this to those in need. Take care.
Thanks, Priya, for reading and sharing. ❤️
Thanks Ayush ❤️
Thank you for writing this, Binu. This reminded me of the things I am grieving for and why it's okay to grieve. Waiting to read your next piece. Thank you, again 🌸
Dear Namit, thank you for reading. And yes, it is ok to grieve - I just hope we can normalise this very human emotion and not hide it.
Binu - I too joined a support group (two actually) and felt that the only people who could understand me were other grieving parents. I still feel this way. I appreciate you writing about support groups. I don't see this often enough. It's so critical.
I equate the role of a particular support group (HPH) to that of AA in a recovering alcoholic's life. I am not as dependent on it as I was a year back, but I make it a point to visit at least once every couple of days. It keeps me grounded and leaves me feeling comforted.
Thank you, Binu, for writing this. And for writing. The honest beauty of your prose move and inspire.
Thank you, Karthik, for these really beautiful, kind words. Means a lot ❤️.
Thank you Binu for writing this.
Thank you, Charulatha, for reading❤️.
As always, beautiful and honest writing. Thanks so much for sharing a part of you and Sakshi with us. Your journey from where you were even a year ago - how real and raw your feelings are, and how kind you are being to yourself, and to others around you, I feel happy to read this. A little reassured and lighter for you, maybe! You are making Sakshi proud everyday, and am sure, as much as she made you. Waiting for your next piece, to enjoy and soak in your beautifully woven words and for you to feel a bit lighter still.
Dear Sai, thank you for reading and being there, in your quiet, gentle way. I do think Sakshi is proud of her Mumma :).
When I read #8 above, Binu, I nearly came undone -- all over again. This so speaks to my experience. The hardest thing I ever had to do was work to forgive myself, and at the ripe age I'm at, and seeing how far I have to go here, it's obviously a lifelong process for me -- a life sentence, as it were.
And like you, I've had those exact same thoughts, which sound horrific on the surface, but anyone who has walked this path knows these are normal things to think. Perhaps in centuries past, it was more or less normal for parents to outlive their children, but in the 20th century and beyond, it's not so normal. And as mothers in particular, we tend to take on all responsibility for everyone's well being. What I call the "Messiah complex." I'm really trying to let go of this, but it's not easy. This journal entry is a beautiful tribute to resilience, stamina, openness to learning from an experience we have no control over, and radical self-care. Keep writing, Binu.
Because we all need to be reminded that while this journey can indeed be lonely -- we don't actually have to walk it alone.
It is so true! We don't have to walk it alone. And I do have hope that this silence surrounding grief is slowly thinning out. More and more people are talking about it and sharing their stories and normalising this emotion. Thank you for reading, Nancy. And I love the phrase, radical self-care - that is exactly what I am trying to do.
Thank you, Binu.
Thank you, Janhvi, for reading ❤️.
I would also love to know why you prefer the term 'transitioning' - I can kind of guess it given the meaning of the term, but still. Thank you for sharing your grief so honestly, hope it helps you. This piece helped me too in a way I cannot find the words to describe.
Dear Venkatesh, so glad this post touched your heart. I am definitely feeling better for writing and sharing. I do this with great reluctance because I am a private person, but at the same time, I feel this is what I have to do. Will write about transitioning and some other words in the next post.
Reading this made me feel lighter, brighter happier and everything lit up around me. Such distilled emotions from such turbulent past. Such simple, joyous writing drawing from grief and loss. I trust you too are feeling lighter and brighter.
Dear Gargi, it took me a while to feel ready to put this post out. Had to sit with it awhile. For me, each post… well, every bit of writing I am doing, is a bit of healing, so I am feeling better for having got this out of me. I am so glad it has had a loving and lovely effect on you. Thank you for all the love 🤗
Reading this felt like a weight lifting off my chest. And I didn't even know my heart was heavy. Thanks for putting this out in the universe.
Dear Nishi, your empathy is all-encompassing ❤️. Thanks for reading, my friend.
Thank you for this, Binu.
Am so glad you like it Sandhya ❤️❤️🤗
Oh Binu! Am so glad that you are able to process your thoughts and put them down with this awesome clarity. Everything you say makes perfect sense. Hope you r feeling much better after doing so. Loads of love 🤗
Dear Maya, thanks for being such a gentle but steady presence in my life. Yes, I am better for the writing and the sharing ❤️