Morning Walks

I know we have not met. But I know you.

Head held high, airpods in,

Gap tracks on, arms swinging.

Walking.

Walking resolutely every day.

Every day, before you reach the metro station

we walk by each other.

I am the one huffing by.

Hidden silvery scars stretching across my skin

Like a galaxy's arms shimmering in a starry sea

Storing stress in the fat lining of my stomach

Life, joy and pain in the lines on my face.

I like you.

I look forward to seeing you

Walking.

Walking every single day.

I envied you your focus, and your speed.

And then one day I saw you stop. Mid-stride.

Your chin almost on your chest. Wilting…

Breathing.

Breathing. Chest heaving.

Holding it all together. Breathing.

As though the act of raising your head

And holding it high

Looking the world in the eye

Just became too much to ask of you today.

It was painful to witness.

I wanted to take you in my arms.

Tell you, ‘It will be okay.’

Possibly a lie,

but maybe it will come true.

But other thoughts came chasing in its wake.

‘I should leave her alone,’

‘Don’t interfere.’

I am desperate too.

I need to speak to someone

whose share of suffering

maybe greater than mine.

Silly as it seems,

I want to feel better in comparison.

To think, ‘Thank God!

Her migraine is worse than my sinus!’

Yet, there is a part of me

That wants my suffering to be unique.

Maybe all we want

As we each lug a burden too heavy

Is to be seen

And perhaps, heard.

You were still standing there

When I neared.

Just then a young woman

Ran by; heels pounding

carrying a whiff of my past with her

She reminded me of me.

You straightened up and strode on

She, obviously, reminded you of you too.

Photo by Justin Clark on Unsplash

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Apologies for the long break. I am incapable of mutli-tasking nowadays, and my headspace was too occupied with organising the next steps in my kid’s treatment plan. But now stage 3 (radiation + support chemo) of the treatment plan is up and running and I am able to reclaim some mental real estate.

I also completed the last book in The Wheel of Time series yesterday. 15 books in 3 months. I am quite proud of myself, though these are easy books to read. I owe Robert Jordan and Brandon Sanderson a big thank you for entertaining me during some tough times. But now what! I am feeling quite blue because I am not ready to say goodbye to these characters. And based on the reviews and feedbacks, I should stay away from the TV show - hate it when they maul the story.

Anyways, until next time. And oh! Happy New Year. Hopefully, it won’t be a bugger all mess like the last couple of years. This decade needs to get its act together.