Binu, I remembered in first week of July about sakshi and within weeks this note comes in. You have done a great help by writing down what to do as a friend, for which i will be eternally greatful.
And your poem, masterpiece.
Take care. Sorry for not having been in regular touch.
It was necessary for me to read this, Binu. I was also struggling with this, with friends not reaching out after a tragedy or maintaining a stony silence. I may not have dealt with it very well at the time in retrospect, creating stony silences of my own in response, feeling like I was owed something in that moment. Still trying to unravel some of these things to be honest. I'm grateful for your thoughtful, empathetic piece.
Ayush, I so get what you’re saying. I did retreat behind my own silences too. But honestly, Sakshi has continued to inspire me from the other side. I am learning to be more vulnerable and forgiving like her.
I had no idea about your grief, Binu. I cannot even imagine what you have been through. And for you to open your heart and write this piece is an act of such unbelievable generosity. I am especially grateful to you for doing this because a friend of mine recently suffered a huge loss. Not being in the same city, I have been unsure and awkward about how to act. Almost all of the silly stupid "you say" statements in this piece are actual thoughts that have crossed my silly stupid mind which which was never taught how to behave around grief. Thank you so much for educating us. You have inspired me to be a better friend ❤️
Mahima, I am so glad the article has helped. Grief knocks one down completely. Having one’s friends to walk this path with us makes such a huge difference to one’s healing. Please pass my condolences to your friend and if you have any questions or if I can help your friend in any way please let me know.
What a beautiful sharing of your thoughts on this, Binu. Many of us know that you need that hug, but our inability to understand the shoulda, coulda, woulda may have come in the way. Being generous and kind always, you have showed the way now. Thank you for that and for all the words you share with us.
Dearest Sai, you are the last person to need this article! And I don't know if I am being generous or kind; more like realising that there is a need for more clarity on grief and its many facets, and trying to provide some of the answers that have come to me. Thank you for always reading ❤️
Grieving is such a difficult process and I don't think anyone knows how to do it. Much less be a friend to someone grieving. But like you say it is so needed. And thank you for sharing how , Binu.
Thanks for reading Sanket.❤️ Like you said, grief is a complex emotion. I really wanted to address this statement I heard from quite a few - "I don't know what to do." I hope it will reach a few and help them too.
I’ve been reading this intermittently in excerpts all morning.
There is something about the most intimate vulnerable feelings we carry, that makes it hardest for us to connect to each other.
This is a beautiful, tender expression. So needed. So useful. So brave of you to venture into this territory and speak to friends who don’t know how to speak to you. 🫂
Dear Natasha, ❤️ thanks for reading. I think the world we live in has made vulnerability a fragile quality to possess. On one hand being vulnerable allows us to be more loving and empathetic, on the other hand, it leaves us open to hurt and even, ridicule. This is where people like you come in. You made a lot of us comfortable being honest and vulnerable or silly or ugly or all of it on page.
Just being there - thats all that is required. All the other doubts and concerns will vanish by just being there.
As i always say Binu, am so glad u r able to process ur thots, get it in order and put it out in writing.You are helping yourself and a whole lot of others that way. Hugggs and lots of love.
I'm so moved to read this. It can only be someone as kind and empathetic as you Binu, who even while nursing her own grief would reach out to the ones who couldn't nourish her, and help them be better humans. I'm learning how to do the hardwork of overcoming my own emotional blocks and be a better friend, just by reading all that you share. Thankyou, and I will request you to please keep sharing your experiences, even though I know it's so hard for you to do so ❤️🩹
Dear Swaati❤️, I am so glad these pieces help you overcome emotional blocks - though honestly, I find you so much in touch with your thoughts and feelings. I just think you have extremely high standards for yourself :). I will definitely keep writing, and I hope I can do it with more consistency. ❤️
Thank you for writing this just so simply. I am sad for you I wish you moments of joy and laughter even as your wounds struggle to fill up. I will bookmark your piece to return to when I need to remind myself or as advice to someone who asks what to do? And I feel reassured that I am doing something right as I grieve with a close friend the loss of her son.
Dear Charulatha, thank you for reading. I am glad the post will be of use to you and hopefully, others. And my deepest condolences to your friend. This is a hard journey. Please do let her know about Helping Parents Heal (which has an India chapter too), or The Compassionate Friends - two organisations that are of great help to a bereaved parent.
Thank you for writing it all down exactly the way it is. This is such a special post. I am so glad we found each other while struggling with our own grief.
And dear Charu, you have been a great friend always, and especially during this past year while I am struggling with Shashank's going. Serendipitous that you and Binu became friends, and are discussing my grief.
This was such a necessary post and so clear. Take care, Binu.
Binu, I remembered in first week of July about sakshi and within weeks this note comes in. You have done a great help by writing down what to do as a friend, for which i will be eternally greatful.
And your poem, masterpiece.
Take care. Sorry for not having been in regular touch.
Hi Sudha, thank you for reading. No need for apologies. Glad you liked the poem. 🙏🏾
It was necessary for me to read this, Binu. I was also struggling with this, with friends not reaching out after a tragedy or maintaining a stony silence. I may not have dealt with it very well at the time in retrospect, creating stony silences of my own in response, feeling like I was owed something in that moment. Still trying to unravel some of these things to be honest. I'm grateful for your thoughtful, empathetic piece.
Ayush, I so get what you’re saying. I did retreat behind my own silences too. But honestly, Sakshi has continued to inspire me from the other side. I am learning to be more vulnerable and forgiving like her.
I had no idea about your grief, Binu. I cannot even imagine what you have been through. And for you to open your heart and write this piece is an act of such unbelievable generosity. I am especially grateful to you for doing this because a friend of mine recently suffered a huge loss. Not being in the same city, I have been unsure and awkward about how to act. Almost all of the silly stupid "you say" statements in this piece are actual thoughts that have crossed my silly stupid mind which which was never taught how to behave around grief. Thank you so much for educating us. You have inspired me to be a better friend ❤️
Mahima, I am so glad the article has helped. Grief knocks one down completely. Having one’s friends to walk this path with us makes such a huge difference to one’s healing. Please pass my condolences to your friend and if you have any questions or if I can help your friend in any way please let me know.
Sending you love and good wishes, Binu!
This is beautiful. This is brave. ❤️
Thank you Suruchi ❤️. Thanks for reading.
"You cannot remind someone, when they have not forgotten."
So heartfelt and poignant.
Thanks Rohan. Glad it touched a chord ❤️
What a beautiful sharing of your thoughts on this, Binu. Many of us know that you need that hug, but our inability to understand the shoulda, coulda, woulda may have come in the way. Being generous and kind always, you have showed the way now. Thank you for that and for all the words you share with us.
Dearest Sai, you are the last person to need this article! And I don't know if I am being generous or kind; more like realising that there is a need for more clarity on grief and its many facets, and trying to provide some of the answers that have come to me. Thank you for always reading ❤️
Grieving is such a difficult process and I don't think anyone knows how to do it. Much less be a friend to someone grieving. But like you say it is so needed. And thank you for sharing how , Binu.
Thanks for reading Sanket.❤️ Like you said, grief is a complex emotion. I really wanted to address this statement I heard from quite a few - "I don't know what to do." I hope it will reach a few and help them too.
Dear Binu,
I’ve been reading this intermittently in excerpts all morning.
There is something about the most intimate vulnerable feelings we carry, that makes it hardest for us to connect to each other.
This is a beautiful, tender expression. So needed. So useful. So brave of you to venture into this territory and speak to friends who don’t know how to speak to you. 🫂
Dear Natasha, ❤️ thanks for reading. I think the world we live in has made vulnerability a fragile quality to possess. On one hand being vulnerable allows us to be more loving and empathetic, on the other hand, it leaves us open to hurt and even, ridicule. This is where people like you come in. You made a lot of us comfortable being honest and vulnerable or silly or ugly or all of it on page.
Just being there - thats all that is required. All the other doubts and concerns will vanish by just being there.
As i always say Binu, am so glad u r able to process ur thots, get it in order and put it out in writing.You are helping yourself and a whole lot of others that way. Hugggs and lots of love.
Maya thank you for reading! ❤️. I really hope these writings will help others.
Thank you for putting it out there, on behalf of all of us, Binu! Sending you hugs!
Thanks for reading Pooja ❤️. I wanted to address that statement I have heard many times - "I don’t know what to do."
I'm so moved to read this. It can only be someone as kind and empathetic as you Binu, who even while nursing her own grief would reach out to the ones who couldn't nourish her, and help them be better humans. I'm learning how to do the hardwork of overcoming my own emotional blocks and be a better friend, just by reading all that you share. Thankyou, and I will request you to please keep sharing your experiences, even though I know it's so hard for you to do so ❤️🩹
Dear Swaati❤️, I am so glad these pieces help you overcome emotional blocks - though honestly, I find you so much in touch with your thoughts and feelings. I just think you have extremely high standards for yourself :). I will definitely keep writing, and I hope I can do it with more consistency. ❤️
A very candid conversation. Thank you, Binu.
Thank you Uncle! :)
This is so important Binu, thank you for sharing this with all of us.
Dear Sara, thanks for reading ❤️.
Thank you for writing this just so simply. I am sad for you I wish you moments of joy and laughter even as your wounds struggle to fill up. I will bookmark your piece to return to when I need to remind myself or as advice to someone who asks what to do? And I feel reassured that I am doing something right as I grieve with a close friend the loss of her son.
Dear Charulatha, thank you for reading. I am glad the post will be of use to you and hopefully, others. And my deepest condolences to your friend. This is a hard journey. Please do let her know about Helping Parents Heal (which has an India chapter too), or The Compassionate Friends - two organisations that are of great help to a bereaved parent.
Dear Binu,
Thank you for writing it all down exactly the way it is. This is such a special post. I am so glad we found each other while struggling with our own grief.
And dear Charu, you have been a great friend always, and especially during this past year while I am struggling with Shashank's going. Serendipitous that you and Binu became friends, and are discussing my grief.
Thank you Sandhya ❤️. I am glad too. Talking to you has helped me so much.
And yes, amazing how small the world feels at times!